Lahiri's "Once in a Lifetime"

          We talked in class about how some students found it difficult to get through this short story due to the level of detail - but I didn't find myself having a hard time. Yes, it was long and there were certainly a lot of details, but I think Lahiri's varying sentence structure really helped move the piece a long.  Lahiri integrates very short sentences, like "You were nine" (483), among longer ones, which really makes the specific detail pop, preventing it from getting lost in a long-winded string of details. 
        I also thought Lahiri has a good sense of time and placement throughout the story.  Time moves and jumps several times, but the reader isn't jarred or left confused.  
        I thought Lahiri's method of characterization was interesting - she related Kaushik to her parents rather than to herself, which reveals an element of both Kaushik's and her own personality.  I liked that the mother's sickness was not revealed to the readers until the end, because otherwise we would have perhaps perceived Kaushik's family in a different way - and in a way that the author may not have wanted us to see them necessarily (I'm not sure about that though).  
         I noticed, however, that because this story reads as a sort of letter to Kaushik, Hema might be seen as an unreliable narrator.  The thoughts and feelings presented by Hema are those only she would want to reveal to Kaushik, so there is no true way to know if they are honest or complete.  I don't think this impacts the 'validity' of the piece, but it's just something to point out.  
         Something about this story that I would be interested in incorporating in my own work would be the topic of change.  This story examines how relationships change over time, especially when there has been distance between people, and I think that'd be a really interesting emotion/experience/relationship to explore with my own characters. 

Workshop: Meryl's "Tutti Fucking Fruity"

Story Arc: Andrea is going to/at a Halloween party that she doesn't really seem to want to be at, all she cares about is getting drunk.  She has an interaction with a guy, Shane, who she seems to have had a 'thing' with in the past - he tries to give her a birthday present, but all she wants are drugs.  She leaves the party and follows some mysterious directions that were given to her in an envelope by Shane, and she ends up at a house where he has prepared a surprise movie marathon for her. 
Compliments: Hilarious title!  You have good moments of humor throughout the story - details like, the flask that says "Girls With Class Don't Need a Glass", and Andrea's internal thoughts/opinions on other people.  I also liked the specific details of the movie titles and script quotes in dialogue. 
Revisions: Overall, I just don't get a sense of believability in this piece.  Andrea seems almost too detached from everything and everyone around her, especially since we have almost zero background on her character.  And I just felt that the introductions of the drugs was too much to be real - like, I know it happens, but drinking and smoking is more believable than doing X.  I'd be really interested in seeing more of this relationship between Shane and Andrea - there is obviously history, but what is it?? Why does she feel the need to go hook up with that rando in her car? I don't understand her motivations, and I think just because she was drinking isn't a good enough motive. I find the idea of her following the mysterious directions in the envelope really interesting and I think there could be more done with that - like maybe almost like a scavenger hunt to find Shane. I like the ending because it's sweet, but the rest of the story doesn't seem to be building to that ending the way it is now.  

A great start, just explore your options and characters even more! :)

Workshop: Whitney's "Renewed"

Story Arc: Gerard is a reporter who is interviewing an infamous polygamist criminal, Daniel Dwyer. Over the week Gerard seems to begin to adopt some of the religious/social views of this criminal, as seen in his interactions with his wife at home. In the end, Dwyer has his men on the outside offer Gerard a job, and Gerard has seemingly been drawn in. 
Compliments: This is definitely a super interesting and unexpected topic that hooked me from the first paragraph! For the most part I found the interviewing sections realistic in dialogue, and I definitely got a good handle on Dwyer's character and personality. 
Revisions: I have trouble with the believability of this story as a whole. The reporter-criminal interview is definitely believable, but I can't grasp how Gerard could flip a total 180 in his own beliefs after spending just a week with Dwyer? Gerard seems to open up to Dwyer way to easily and casually, and Gerard didn't originally strike me as a naive individual. Also, the interactions between Gerard and his wife just don't seem real and are really abrupt. I think this issue could be fixed by just expanding on everything - have Gerard interviewing Dwyer for a book so he would be researching for months, show more interactions with his wife so the reader can see a slow but steady change in Gerard's personality/views/character, show reluctancy along the way so that Gerard isn't painted as just a mindless little sheep. Also, just watch out for sudden time gaps, which could be fixed by adding an extra space between paragraphs with different settings in time. There is so so much potential here!! (Check out the book, A Lesson Before Dying) 

Super interesting piece, such a great start! 

Workshop: Melissa's "She Doesn't Deserve My Sandwich"

Story Arc: The main character is struggling to order/receive his food at a fast food restaurant while on the phone with his difficult girlfriend. He ends up breaking up with Lisa on the phone and a fast food worker overhears and tries to give him some advice. He ends up going home to talk things out with Lisa, only to find her hooking up with his best friend, and this he drives his friend's car into the lake as revenge. 
Compliments: The humor is this story is really well done! I like that you used humor in dialogue and thoughts, like with "hangry" and the "No. 'Yeah.'" concering Pepsi, and then the general situation is funny - like who really cares more about their sandwich than their girlfriend?! I also felt like the dialogue and tension was realistic. 
Revisions: Overall, I wanted more background on this main character. I get a sense of his personality, but I don't know what any of his motivations are or why he is the way he is. I think seeing more of his relationship with Lisa would help with this - try showing more scenes with them together, even if it's just describing a memory or something. At times I was a little thrown off by some of the switches between present spoken dialogue, thoughts, and 'remembered dialogue'. I would have a moment of confusion figuring out who was saying what and when (the first page especially), which can be fixed by using italics or just having more seperate on between thoughts and dialogue. There were a couple time gaps that seemed a little sudden - like when he left the fast food place - and the ending in general felt a little rushed. I don't think the main character needs to drive the car into the lake, it seems a bit dramatic and out of character for him, because, I mean, he cares about his sandwich more than Lisa, so why would he care SO much as to push a car into a lake? 

Overall, this is a really entertaining piece, good job! 

Maile Meloy's "Ranch Girl"

            The most interesting thing about this piece is how much I can relate to this "ranch girl" character, despite not being a ranch girl myself.  Meloy does a great job with characterization, explaining the lifestyle of this girl and the details of the culture she's grown up in.  Because of this and the second person narration, I'm brought into this character's world and I can empathize with her concerns of going East.  I guess in some ways I can relate on a personal level - being from Alabama brings it's own stereotypes and struggles when it comes to moving to a different region.  I also thought it was interesting that while the whole piece is basically highlighting the cons to being a ranch girl, she ends with, "but in the world you get old. You don't get old here. Here you can always be a ranch girl," giving the reader a hopeful feeling that no matter what, she always has home.  That is something everyone can relate to and something everyone likes to remind themselves of for hope. It makes me think of the whole "daddy's little girl" idea, that no matter what you're parents are always going to love you and be there for you.
        As far as what I can take away from this piece for my own writing purposes, I would definitely want to model the level of detail Meloy uses to bring the reader into this character's world. The possibility of having readers relate to a world and character nothing like their own would be great! I don't know if I could ever write an entire piece in second person narration, though, because while it brings the reader in on a more personal level, I feel it almost gets repetitive in the use of "you." 
        Overall, this is a very enjoyable, relatable, and well written story!

Workshop: Taylor's "Love Thy Enemy"

Story Arc: This story is about a girl who gets kidnapped by 'the devil' and is kept in a cabin for 18 days.  'The devil' tortures and deforms her so that she will be ugly, and he wants her to do the same to him - but she won't. Finally, she ties up 'the devil' and it seems she might give in, but she only forgives him and leaves. 

Compliments: You did really well introducing and keeping up the level of tension throughout the whole piece. There was always a sense of suspense when it came to whether she was going to give into the temptations presented to her.  The fact that she never gave into these temptations - almost, but not quite - really characterized her as human. The details are good and clear - I can visualize pretty much everything happening really well! Also, you have a good sense of time in your writing. You know how to pass time without being too sudden or confusing.

Revisions: I would have liked to see more back story in this character - how did she come to be here exactly? How does she know this 'devil'?  It's hard for me to absolutely believe in this situation presented - I know horrible things like this happen in real life, but back story leading up to this situation would make it even more realistic. Overall, it felt like a story focusing too much on a message and not enough on the plot and characters themselves.  The biblical context is a little too overbearing, in my opinion, I would have enjoyed something more subtle - make it so I don't quite see the biblical connection until the very end when she quotes the bible (I'm assuming).  Then that becomes a enjoyable discovery of another layer of context!  

Really well written, Taylor!