Creative Event: AU Singers Spring Concert

       This past Sunday afternoon I went to the AU Singers Spring Concert. I had a special interest in this show because I used to be a Show Choir performer all through middle school and high school, and it's still near and dear to my heart!  
       The exhilaration and enthusiasm I felt watching the show had me thinking about if I could translate that feeling onto paper.  How would you put  that emotion into words without just having to say "exhilarated"? I guess I could write the character's stream of consciousness, just spilling out any thoughts they are are having during the show, maybe a word-association sort of thing? I think it'd be interesting to write about a character who has a true passion - obviously all characters in fiction have a passion, or else they'd never be read about - a passion that drives everything in their being. Maybe it could be performing, or playing an instrument, or running marathons, or winning hot-dog eating contests, anything really, but really get into their head and see why this drives them, how it makes them feel, and how it effects the people around them.  Are they celebrated for this passion? Are they mocked for this passion? Are they obsessive or balanced? 
        I also looked at the music the performers were singing.  For the solo performers, I imagined what kind of characters would be singing these solos. Like, what would be happening to my character if she was singing an Adele song? Probably something sad, but what could be her backstory? Who or what is making her sad? Where does she live? Is she happy with her life? There are a lot of opportunities, and I like the idea of listening to songs and forming characters and situations for them from the songs. 
         Beyond the actual performance, my knowledge of the AU Singers lent some inspiration. I know that at the beginning of summer they take a tour around one region of the country.  So that had me thinking about what it would be like to live on the road for a while, whether that be for two weeks or two years.  That would definitely be an interesting setting to write about, and it would lend to the possibility of so many different situations for the characters to be in. A new town equals a whole new set of problems and shenanigans!  And being confined to a tour bus with the same people all the time could lead to some good tension and conflict, and character inflection.  
         Overall, the AU Singers concert was greatly entertaining and lead to a lot of varied ideas!
        

Creative Event: Auburn's Chamber Music Ensemble Concert

            This past Friday I attended Auburn's Chamber Music Ensemble Concert in the Goodwin Recital Hall, which was composed of three separate groups of musicians.  The first group consisted of a bass cello, standard cello, viola (played by my best friend!), violin, and piano. The second group consisted of a an oboe and a standard cello. The third group consisted of two violins, a viola, and a standard cello.  
        While listening the all classical arrangements being played, pondering inspirations, I thought of three separate things. First, I kept imagining different ballet variations that could work with the music being played. I am a ballet dancer, and thus the first connection my mind makes with classical music is ballet movement! This in turn started getting me thinking of possible story scenarios involving dancers and performance productions.  I've always enjoyed writing about dance/ballet, and I definitely think its a case of 'writing what you know', but I hope to one day write an extensive collection of poetry revolving around ballet.  The ballet world has a lot of romantic/idyllic mystery surrounding it (despite the plethora of movies and books written about it), and I like the idea of showing the world what it's really like.  And not in a sensational "struggles of the bulimic dancer going crazy" sense (though I have written that story before), but in a more subtle way that reveals all the true elegance and pain that defines this world and life.
         Secondly, my mind associates classical music (especially of the more dramatic, wild variety) to movie soundtracks.  Thus I started imagining different scenes that the music would fit nicely into the background.  Such as, a movement of music in a crescendo makes me think of someone running or having an emotional breakdown.  A more soothing movement would be good for a pensive car ride. etc, etc. 
         This association sort of led me into the third inspiration. One of the movie soundtracks I was reminded of was "Pride and Prejudice" (with Keira Knightly and Matthew MacFadyen), which had me thinking about whether or not I would ever want to attempt to write a story with a period-setting.  I think it would definitely be daunting, but also really interesting! I love reading period books, so why not try to write one? It would involve a lot of research and would make dialogue tricky, but there's a lot to do when writing'about' the past - you can take that chance to expose some of the struggles of that era, or simply embrace the nostalgia of it all. Plus, I think it would push me as a writer to create a character who lives in a world nothing like my own. 
        Overall, I really enjoyed this concert and got some cool inspirations, all while supporting my best friend and the arts! :)

Sky's "Driver's License"

Story Arc: The main character, Anthony, was a woman who wished she could be a man, but is struggling with whether or not she will truly be happy or have any regrets if she really does switch genders.  She has a daughter with her partner, Dominique, and Dominique encourages her/him to have the sex change operation done. In the end, Anthony seems settled and happy with his/her decision. 
Compliments: This is definitely a topic and issue that is not seen often in literature, but is a very real personal struggle. Even though this story is mostly conversation, there is still a lot of tension present due to the big, not easily solved, issue. And I feel like you presented the struggle in a very real and not-too-dramatic way. The description of the characters was nice and clear, as well. 
Revisions: The setting and situation is kind of confusing in the beginning. I'm not quite sure where the settings change and that gets confusing, and we don't really learn of what Anthony's problem/concern is for a little while and I wish it was brought into the story and made clear sooner on.  Dialogue is not always very realistic, especially with the child - try not to get too expected and cliche with her characterization. Also, it was sometimes hard to tell when who was speaking when/what between Anthony and Dominique. Try to make their voices more separate. Be sure you find a balance between dialogue and action - sometimes there were long stretches of dialogue in which we didn't really know what was happening with the characters' movements and such. In general, just be careful that this is not an "issue" piece.  This is definitely a good topic to write about, but can easily take a turn to becoming LGBT genre fiction. 

Morgan's "Big Blue Eyes"

Story Arc: This story is about a reporter interviewing Casey Anthony. We sees Anthony's opinions and regrets that weren't really shown in the publication of her trial, and we see even more once the reporter goes off the record. 
Compliments: I really enjoy that this piece wasn't really focused on the trial itself and more on what Casey Anthony had to say.You definitely did a good job of humanizing her character, which I'm sure was hard to do! I think telling the story from her perspective did a lot for that - it's usually pretty hard to not sympathize with a first person narrator. And with this, you saw more of her personality in general, not just a cold persona or what everyone saw on TV. I also like how the reporter was presented as unbiased in her interview.  The dialogue seemed natural and realistic, which can be hard in an interview scene, so that was good to see. 
Revisions: There was a lot of summary throughout the piece and I would have liked to see more action and specific details. Also, be careful about how you utilize tense shifts so that the reader isn't left confused on the timeline of events. I also think it would be interesting to hear more about what Casey Anthony has to say about the actual happening of the crime, rather than just what happened leading up to it. Even though there is still mystery surrounding the events of the crime, you have the opportunity to fictionalize this scene and could present a really emotionally powerful moment.  This would also give you the opportunity to explore what is going on in Casey Anthony's mind while committing the crime, which would definitely be an intriguing challenge!

Great job Morgan! You definitely chose to tackle a tough and controversial crime/criminal to write about, and you did a fantastic job humanizing it all!

Taylor's "Stutter"

Story Arc: The story begins with the readers being introduced to an unusual homeless man named Levi who plays cards on the curb, then to a young man named Roman who stutters. Roman meet-cutes a quirky girl named Sawyer in a coffee/tea shop and they hit it off wonderfully, but go their separate ways. The two of them meet up again by a chance visit to play cards with Levi. They leave Levi and Sawyer asks Roman to be her date to a wedding and Roman reveals that Levi wants him to build a coffin. 
Compliments: I absolutely love this story! It's really cute, well-written, quirky, and full of great details and characterization. I thought the story progressed logically and I was never thrown off by changes in time. I also felt like the dialogue was really realistic and interesting. Overall, I liked that your story is familiar, yet original - your characterization and details make a normal boy-meets-girl story really fresh!! 
Revisions: I wanted to know more of Sawyer's backstory, just because she is such a unique, fun character and I'd like to know what influenced her to be the way she is.  I also felt like there was more significance to Levi's coffin then what was given - maybe he should know he's really sick or is going to kill himself or something, rather than 'just in case.' Be careful about long stretches of dialogue  and descriptions without action or movement.

Overall - such an entertaining story, I would absolutely love to read more, definitely novel potential here! :) 

Katie's "Never the Same"

Story Arc: This story is about a couple who devotes most of their time to their individuals jobs rather than focusing on spending time together.  The only time they really share together is when they go on bike rides together.  One day they decided to ride by the Twin Towers and that was the day the 9/11 attacks happened. From that point on they realize the importance of taking advantage of the time they have together because you never know what might happen. 
Compliments: I liked that you chose a sensational event rather than person/criminal to humanize.  These attacks are always viewed as something horrible and tragic (which they are), but you really brought forth the idea that hard times bring people closer and reveal what's most important to people and in life. Your characters are realistic and the dialogue is believable. You also have some great details scattered throughout the piece. Just going back to this, I really liked that you chose this event to focus on, because this is something that everyone has connection to and knows a lot about.  Not everyone may know about certain serial killers and other criminals, but everyone feels the impact of those attacks. 
Revisions: Overall, I just wanted to know more about these characters. Maybe more dialogue between the couple would reveal more about them, and maybe if we got to see more of what was going through their minds.  Also be aware that you have some tense changes throughout the piece, which is a constant struggle I have as well!  When you are describing the attacks, try to incorporate some more vivid images. You get across the feeling of chaos really well, but this sight was surely super vivid and terrifying, while also awe-inspiring - let us see that!

Great job Katie!

Johnson's "Emergency" and Palahniuk's "Escort"

"Emergency": This piece about two friends/acquaintances who work  in an ER together, and who both steal pills from the hospital.  The whole story - a single day in their lives - is told through the tripping eyes of one of the friends.  First, they are handling a patient with a knife stuck in his eye, and the narrator's perception of events and dialogue is really quite surreal - almost a super-heightened sense of realistic truth.  This same sense is continued when the narrator and Georgie leave the hospital and drive, ultimately having an encounter with poor little dead baby rabbits :(.  Overall, this story gives a sense of a sad reality that is only seen through a sort of vivid-drug-haze.
"Escort": This piece is about a man looking back on the time he spent as a hospice escort.  He would take dying hospice patients and their relatives around the city sightseeing, all as a result of a happen-stance in which he chose to do this "date" as a good deed, and then wanting to continue.  We learn that the narrator grows close to these patients and stays with them until death, and then always receives a hand-made throw blanket from the relative.  He cannot seem to part with these blankets, and he eventually stops being an escort, though we do not know why exactly.  Here, too, the reader gets a sad sense of reality that is only seen when put in a situation that makes you more aware. 

      The style that these two short stories are written in is very striking to read. Dialogue and narrator thoughts are sharp and no-fluff, and no gritty details are spared or glossed over.  I think it would be very difficult to write in this style just because you, as a writer, have to figure out what this reality is that you're trying to reveal and what raw details would do the job. 

Chris's "Trouble the Waters"

Story Arc: The main character, Connor, and his friend, Donald, are delivering pizzas in Stuart, Fla. and then decide to smoke some weed.  The notice some neighbors watching and they start to drive away, but soon get pulled over by a policeman.  The manage to talk their way out of getting in trouble and head to the beach where they meet up with some girls and relay what happened. 
Compliments: I liked that we got a good sense of background on the characters and their best-friend relationship. You don't necessarily give us many details, but I feel like I get a strong sense of who they are and what their friendship is like. I also like the humorous aspects throughout the piece, especially the irony of an Irish pizza place in Boston, and that Patrick's only knowledge of the Italian culture is what he's seen from the Godfather. (Though this is funny, it is slightly cliche, perhaps?) I also like that there are several changes of scene, which keeps the story moving nicely.
Revisions: I liked the suspense of them being pulled over by the policeman - but the fact that they got off easy didn't add much tension to the story, and it kinda deflated all that suspense that had been built up.  As a reader, it was a relief to see them get out of trouble, but this doesn't lend anything to the change we see (or actually, don't see) in Connor and Donald.  They seem to just ride off to the beach like happy little clams and I can't see any sort of epiphany or anything like that.  Play with them getting pulled over - what sort of dramatics could happened? I don't like the idea of a "Oh, I learned my lesson" ending, because that's not realistic - but the current ending isn't really satisfactory either.  

Overall, a good start to a relatable, entertaining story!

Kylie's "Remember Dauntless River"

Story Arc: This story is about three siblings whose parents died in a car crash and had to move in with their grandmother; the main thing keeping them united is the Dauntless River.  One day the little sister is caught shoplifting, and then the brother finds their grandmother dead.  The kids separate, and are only brought together again when the brother is injured in war, and are again united by the grandmother's house and the river. 
Compliments: I like the concept of having a uniting plot element, like the Dauntless River, that keeps the story centered. I also like that a lot of time passes in this story. I liked the beginning being in italics because it didn't really leave room for reader confusion that it was a flashback. They start out as kids and end up adults, but I never felt jarred by or lost in the progression of time.  With this, I liked that we got to really see these characters go through trials and change.  I'm always struggling with making my characters change with the restraint of a short story, and you did this really well! 
Revisions: While a lot happened in this story, it was mostly telling about the action rather than showing the action.  I think showing more active scenes would pick up the pace of the story, which would be good considering it's a long story (as far as this class is concerned). I also felt like there could be more interaction with the grandmother - it's her house that plays such a big part in these kids' lives, yet we don't see much of her. I know you love detail, and you do it well, but don't let the action and characters take a back seat to detail! I don't think that's a huge issue here, but it's just something to keep in mind.  

McCracken's "Some Terpsichore"

          This piece tells the odd 'love' story of Marya and Gabe.  Gabe falls for Marya when he hears her sing (despite her not being that great of a singer), believing she has saved him from suicide.  Marya likes feeling needed like this.  Gabe is artistic and a dreamer, yet pretty psychotic, and ends up abusing Marya physically and emotionally. Ultimately, Marya gets some sense and leaves him.  
          I really enjoyed all the unusual characteristics these characters have and descriptions of these characteristics.  Describing Marya's voice as a musical saw, and then using cartoon references to create a sensory connection to what this might sound like, is really unique. Also, the images presented, such as Gabe playing his violin with a saw, is really striking and unusual for a reader to imagine, yet truly characterizes Gabe's crazy tendencies. 
          Despite the odd characters and their relationship, the situation McCracken presents is one a lot of people can relate to.  People find themselves stuck in unhealthy relationships because, initially, they like to feel needed and appreciated and even flattered, and then eventually they feel trapped by abuse, or even just by not knowing where else to go.
          As far as the layout of the story, I thought breaking up the piece with numbers was interesting and also confusing.  I've always liked this format, but here I can't seem to find a consistent purpose for them.  Sometimes the numbers indicated a scene change, but not always, so then I thought maybe they indicated certain important moments in Marya's and Gabe's relationship, but still, I'm not sure. 
          Overall, I wish I had even more backstory on these characters - what led them to be the way that they are? I'm always a fan of vagueness and obscurity, but this was such a compelling story that I wanted to know more! 

Lahiri's "Once in a Lifetime"

          We talked in class about how some students found it difficult to get through this short story due to the level of detail - but I didn't find myself having a hard time. Yes, it was long and there were certainly a lot of details, but I think Lahiri's varying sentence structure really helped move the piece a long.  Lahiri integrates very short sentences, like "You were nine" (483), among longer ones, which really makes the specific detail pop, preventing it from getting lost in a long-winded string of details. 
        I also thought Lahiri has a good sense of time and placement throughout the story.  Time moves and jumps several times, but the reader isn't jarred or left confused.  
        I thought Lahiri's method of characterization was interesting - she related Kaushik to her parents rather than to herself, which reveals an element of both Kaushik's and her own personality.  I liked that the mother's sickness was not revealed to the readers until the end, because otherwise we would have perhaps perceived Kaushik's family in a different way - and in a way that the author may not have wanted us to see them necessarily (I'm not sure about that though).  
         I noticed, however, that because this story reads as a sort of letter to Kaushik, Hema might be seen as an unreliable narrator.  The thoughts and feelings presented by Hema are those only she would want to reveal to Kaushik, so there is no true way to know if they are honest or complete.  I don't think this impacts the 'validity' of the piece, but it's just something to point out.  
         Something about this story that I would be interested in incorporating in my own work would be the topic of change.  This story examines how relationships change over time, especially when there has been distance between people, and I think that'd be a really interesting emotion/experience/relationship to explore with my own characters. 

Workshop: Meryl's "Tutti Fucking Fruity"

Story Arc: Andrea is going to/at a Halloween party that she doesn't really seem to want to be at, all she cares about is getting drunk.  She has an interaction with a guy, Shane, who she seems to have had a 'thing' with in the past - he tries to give her a birthday present, but all she wants are drugs.  She leaves the party and follows some mysterious directions that were given to her in an envelope by Shane, and she ends up at a house where he has prepared a surprise movie marathon for her. 
Compliments: Hilarious title!  You have good moments of humor throughout the story - details like, the flask that says "Girls With Class Don't Need a Glass", and Andrea's internal thoughts/opinions on other people.  I also liked the specific details of the movie titles and script quotes in dialogue. 
Revisions: Overall, I just don't get a sense of believability in this piece.  Andrea seems almost too detached from everything and everyone around her, especially since we have almost zero background on her character.  And I just felt that the introductions of the drugs was too much to be real - like, I know it happens, but drinking and smoking is more believable than doing X.  I'd be really interested in seeing more of this relationship between Shane and Andrea - there is obviously history, but what is it?? Why does she feel the need to go hook up with that rando in her car? I don't understand her motivations, and I think just because she was drinking isn't a good enough motive. I find the idea of her following the mysterious directions in the envelope really interesting and I think there could be more done with that - like maybe almost like a scavenger hunt to find Shane. I like the ending because it's sweet, but the rest of the story doesn't seem to be building to that ending the way it is now.  

A great start, just explore your options and characters even more! :)

Workshop: Whitney's "Renewed"

Story Arc: Gerard is a reporter who is interviewing an infamous polygamist criminal, Daniel Dwyer. Over the week Gerard seems to begin to adopt some of the religious/social views of this criminal, as seen in his interactions with his wife at home. In the end, Dwyer has his men on the outside offer Gerard a job, and Gerard has seemingly been drawn in. 
Compliments: This is definitely a super interesting and unexpected topic that hooked me from the first paragraph! For the most part I found the interviewing sections realistic in dialogue, and I definitely got a good handle on Dwyer's character and personality. 
Revisions: I have trouble with the believability of this story as a whole. The reporter-criminal interview is definitely believable, but I can't grasp how Gerard could flip a total 180 in his own beliefs after spending just a week with Dwyer? Gerard seems to open up to Dwyer way to easily and casually, and Gerard didn't originally strike me as a naive individual. Also, the interactions between Gerard and his wife just don't seem real and are really abrupt. I think this issue could be fixed by just expanding on everything - have Gerard interviewing Dwyer for a book so he would be researching for months, show more interactions with his wife so the reader can see a slow but steady change in Gerard's personality/views/character, show reluctancy along the way so that Gerard isn't painted as just a mindless little sheep. Also, just watch out for sudden time gaps, which could be fixed by adding an extra space between paragraphs with different settings in time. There is so so much potential here!! (Check out the book, A Lesson Before Dying) 

Super interesting piece, such a great start! 

Workshop: Melissa's "She Doesn't Deserve My Sandwich"

Story Arc: The main character is struggling to order/receive his food at a fast food restaurant while on the phone with his difficult girlfriend. He ends up breaking up with Lisa on the phone and a fast food worker overhears and tries to give him some advice. He ends up going home to talk things out with Lisa, only to find her hooking up with his best friend, and this he drives his friend's car into the lake as revenge. 
Compliments: The humor is this story is really well done! I like that you used humor in dialogue and thoughts, like with "hangry" and the "No. 'Yeah.'" concering Pepsi, and then the general situation is funny - like who really cares more about their sandwich than their girlfriend?! I also felt like the dialogue and tension was realistic. 
Revisions: Overall, I wanted more background on this main character. I get a sense of his personality, but I don't know what any of his motivations are or why he is the way he is. I think seeing more of his relationship with Lisa would help with this - try showing more scenes with them together, even if it's just describing a memory or something. At times I was a little thrown off by some of the switches between present spoken dialogue, thoughts, and 'remembered dialogue'. I would have a moment of confusion figuring out who was saying what and when (the first page especially), which can be fixed by using italics or just having more seperate on between thoughts and dialogue. There were a couple time gaps that seemed a little sudden - like when he left the fast food place - and the ending in general felt a little rushed. I don't think the main character needs to drive the car into the lake, it seems a bit dramatic and out of character for him, because, I mean, he cares about his sandwich more than Lisa, so why would he care SO much as to push a car into a lake? 

Overall, this is a really entertaining piece, good job! 

Maile Meloy's "Ranch Girl"

            The most interesting thing about this piece is how much I can relate to this "ranch girl" character, despite not being a ranch girl myself.  Meloy does a great job with characterization, explaining the lifestyle of this girl and the details of the culture she's grown up in.  Because of this and the second person narration, I'm brought into this character's world and I can empathize with her concerns of going East.  I guess in some ways I can relate on a personal level - being from Alabama brings it's own stereotypes and struggles when it comes to moving to a different region.  I also thought it was interesting that while the whole piece is basically highlighting the cons to being a ranch girl, she ends with, "but in the world you get old. You don't get old here. Here you can always be a ranch girl," giving the reader a hopeful feeling that no matter what, she always has home.  That is something everyone can relate to and something everyone likes to remind themselves of for hope. It makes me think of the whole "daddy's little girl" idea, that no matter what you're parents are always going to love you and be there for you.
        As far as what I can take away from this piece for my own writing purposes, I would definitely want to model the level of detail Meloy uses to bring the reader into this character's world. The possibility of having readers relate to a world and character nothing like their own would be great! I don't know if I could ever write an entire piece in second person narration, though, because while it brings the reader in on a more personal level, I feel it almost gets repetitive in the use of "you." 
        Overall, this is a very enjoyable, relatable, and well written story!

Workshop: Taylor's "Love Thy Enemy"

Story Arc: This story is about a girl who gets kidnapped by 'the devil' and is kept in a cabin for 18 days.  'The devil' tortures and deforms her so that she will be ugly, and he wants her to do the same to him - but she won't. Finally, she ties up 'the devil' and it seems she might give in, but she only forgives him and leaves. 

Compliments: You did really well introducing and keeping up the level of tension throughout the whole piece. There was always a sense of suspense when it came to whether she was going to give into the temptations presented to her.  The fact that she never gave into these temptations - almost, but not quite - really characterized her as human. The details are good and clear - I can visualize pretty much everything happening really well! Also, you have a good sense of time in your writing. You know how to pass time without being too sudden or confusing.

Revisions: I would have liked to see more back story in this character - how did she come to be here exactly? How does she know this 'devil'?  It's hard for me to absolutely believe in this situation presented - I know horrible things like this happen in real life, but back story leading up to this situation would make it even more realistic. Overall, it felt like a story focusing too much on a message and not enough on the plot and characters themselves.  The biblical context is a little too overbearing, in my opinion, I would have enjoyed something more subtle - make it so I don't quite see the biblical connection until the very end when she quotes the bible (I'm assuming).  Then that becomes a enjoyable discovery of another layer of context!  

Really well written, Taylor!

Workshop: Kylie's "Love Harder"

Story Arc: Nicole is a business woman/Federal Agent who is struggling to balance her career and her family.  She finds herself stranded in an airport due to weather around Thanksgiving. While she is stranded, she meets several characters that end up making her examine her life, choices, and priorities - leading her to realize her family is the most important thing.

Compliments:  I enjoyed that this story presented the reader with a pressing problem - the storm - but that the character change was not directly related to the storm, it was Nicole having a realization about another problem in her life - the struggle to balance her life. The characterization is really strong, you definitely get a sense of who this woman is and what she notices and cares about. The interactions with other characters were pretty believable and interesting, adding a lot of depth to the piece in general.  I also really liked the detailed descriptions, especially of the storm. Also, the tone in of the piece overall is really consistent and fits with the characterization of Nicole's character.

Revisions: The concept of being stranded at the airport because of weather during the holiday season is not super original, and therefore doesn't quite do enough for me tension-wise.  I think the idea of a character being 'forced' into a self-realization via the influence of others like this could easily be done in another ramped-up setting - or maybe something else could happen at the airport to make the situation more tense, like the power going out and her cell phone dying? I also want to know more about her relationship with her family, with more specific details and example interactions. And why does she find herself so sucked into her work that it has hurt her relationship with her family (besides the commuting)? 

Such a well-written start! 

Workshop: Katie's "Moving On"

Story Arc:  Olivia experiences a horrible breakup when she is left at the altar and is completely devastated. Her friends then do whatever they can to help her, and set her up on a date with a man named Turner.  Olivia and Turner really hit it off and ultimately end up engaged.

Compliments: I thought Olivia's characterization was pretty strong, I like being inside her head and all her 'dos and don'ts' while on her first date with Turner, which made her a character I could relate to.  I also felt like Olivia's interactions with Turner were pretty realistic and natural.  The emotional pain of a breakup and how it affects someone comes across really well and clear, and doesn't feel forced or over dramatic.

Revisions: Mainly, I just want to see and know more.  There's a lot of build up to this date with Turner, but then there seemed to be a lacking of details and a lot of summary when they were actually on the date.  I want to know what makes this guy so great and unique, besides them being compatible. Are they compatible in weird, obscure ways, or in every way? I want to know why she was left at the altar - was it something she did or was the guy just a scared jerk? Also, there are moments of good description, but we never see a solid description of Olivia or Turner. Just little details about what she's wearing, or how his hair falls, would add some more imagery and depth to the piece. Ultimately, as much as the happy ending warmed my heart, it just seemed too easy for Olivia and Turner and more tension, if even just a little (like a misunderstanding), would make this piece more interesting.

A good start to something that could be great!

Workshop: Sky's "Logged Into Love"

Story Arc:  Brandon is a gamer who is dating a fellow gamer, Sebastian, via the Internet.  Brandon has lost touch with Sebastian for about a week, and all her friends and family keep telling her that he has moved on and that she shouldn't be dating someone over the Internet anyway.  Finally, Sebastian gets in touch with Brandon and it's all been a big misunderstanding - ultimately, they are still in love and have a happy anniversary over the phone. 
Compliments: Your attention to detail was really great - especially because you chose to highlight a lot of interesting details, like, "a hint of fruit from my sister taking her shower." I liked your use of the online chat in your prose, it mixed it up a bit and allowed for some extra characterization through the usernames. I definitely thought Brandon's emotions were very realistic - teenage/young adult girls totally freak out over lost communication like this and start having irrational thoughts! Overall, I felt like the dialogue was pretty realistic.
Revisions: While I love the online chatting that's incorporated, I think it needs to be more off-set from the rest of the text. Like, bold the usernames, put the conversation in a different font, indent more - something to make it really stand out as something different from normal dialogue.  Mainly, I want to know more about this Brandon girl - is she a stereotypical gamer girl? Is she a girl you would never expect to have an online relationship? Why does she feel so compelled to have an online relationship, opposed to one in real-life/in person? Also, I'm not sure I see how Brandon's character changed - was it that she learned to have faith in people? To not listen to the opinions of others more than her own? Both? 

Overall, well done!

Aimee Bender's "Off"

       Bender does a really great job with the characterization of the speaker in this short story. The reader can really get a sense of who this woman is, despite the lack of personal background information given.  The first person point of view pulls the reader into her confusing and erratic psyche, emphasized by the rambling, stream of consciousness writing style.  We have no idea why she wants/needs to kiss three specific men at this party, and we really have no idea why she does most of the things she does in this story, but we can infer what kind of woman she is based on the details provided.  She mentions being known as a trust fund kid and notices superficial details while at the party, so we get a sense she's generally a materialistic kind of person.  The voice of this woman is often sarcastic, like when she says, "I stand alone because I plan on making all these women jealous, reminding them how incredible it is to be single" (108) - obviously she is a lonely, attention-seeking sort of person if she is setting a kissing goal at a party, and doesn't really see being single as incredible.  This sarcasm makes me curious about this character - why does she seemingly poke fun at herself? 
     I found this point of view and the stream of consciousness style to be really compelling and something I would want to (and already enjoy) using in my writing.  I think it's a great way to reveal who a character is by making the reader figure it out through the character's thoughts.  It also allows for an author to make their character take a different approach on a common situation, keeping it interesting and fresh.  I also like that we never learn this woman's name - despite the whole story being intimately in this woman's point of view, we never actually know who she is, and that opposition/paradox/juxtaposition is pretty striking.   
      Ultimately, I enjoyed seeing this snippet of this woman's life! 

T.C. Boyle's "The Love of My Life"

      This short-story really exhibits a good way to address social/political issues without 'preaching' to the readers.  T.C. Boyle addresses the hypocrisy of today's modern society: people look down on those who get pregnant/have children while they are young and in school, yet they do not prevent themselves from getting into the same reckless or careless situation. Boyle goes on to address the issue of abortion, abandonment, and murder - examining whether or not the law should be involved in such personal issues - and just looking at extreme situations that people get themselves into. Also, it seems like Boyle might be using China's name and her abandonment of her newborn baby to commentate on China's (the country) laws on population control. Overall, I felt like Boyle examined these issues tastefully so that I never felt like I was being preached at and being told a 'right' point of view to believe in. Instead I was interested in the story and was provoked to think about these things, but on my own terms. And this is something I would like to do in my writing, because making a reader think about what they believe about a certain issue adds an extra dynamic and depth to whatever story is being told. 

Workshop: Chris's "Shit Show"

Story Arc: The speaker eats dinner at Moe's and soon gets a bad rumbling in the tummy. Once home, the speaker finds he has no toilet paper or running water, and on top of that chic-fil-a is closed and offers no relief. He then resorts to calling his mother to get the utilities turned back on, ultimately finding he had toilet paper all along. 
Compliments: You have a great talent at putting clever humor on the page! This story honestly sounds like the way you speak, which I think is a really great thing! While the humor was 'gross' in topic, it was smart and sharp and original. I also felt like this speaker was really realistic (probably because your voice came through really naturally), and I felt like the situation was realistic for the reader. I liked that your 'pressing problem' wasn't as dramatic as death and rape, yet still a pretty big problem. Overall, I found this piece truly original, and that's enjoyable to a reader.
Revisions: There are a few grammatical errors with dialogue, but those are easy to fix. I felt like the dialogue between the speaker and his mother was pretty realistic, but could flow a little more naturally? I don't really have a good suggestion for that, though.  Also, this piece could use more setting details - I can picture this pretty easily because I assume you're talking about Auburn, but for readers who don't know this or know Auburn will need more setting description. Beyond setting, the reader might get lost in the time placement of all the action. How long does it take him to get from Moe's to his apartment? How long does it take him to get to chic-fil-a? Etc. Overall, just be aware that the subject of this story will not appeal to a universal audience. I myself really don't enjoy gross humor- but you did it cleverly/tastefully enough that I still enjoyed this story, however that still might put off other readers. Just something to keep in mind! 
     Great job! You have a really strong sense of humor and voice!

Workshop: Morgan's "Secrets of Cooking"

Story Arc: Emma and her husband, Tim, are getting ready for a his parents to come over for dinner and Emma's freaking out a little bit. The in laws arrive and they all have dinner, and everyone gets along. After dinner, in the kitchen, Caroline (the mother inlaw) praises Emma's cooking and reveals that she herself can't actually cook like everyone thought! 

Compliments: I really enjoyed the relationship shown between Emma and Tim! They seemed realistic together - Emma shouting at him to lint roll everything and him being like really? -  that and other little moments are really telling of their dynamic. You also had a good sense of humor throughout, nothing too cheesy but still got the character's personality to show through. 

Revisions: Be careful of 'movie dialogue'- I liked your dialogue because I thought it characterized Emma well, but I think the overall tone and word choice of the interactions between the characters are a little movie-like and not totally realistic, mainly between Emma and Caroline. There are some grammatical errors - quotation punctuation, comma errors, contractions - simple things to be changed. Overall, I would have liked to see this pressing problem of impressing the mother-in-law to be more pressing. Emma and Caroline seem to have a good relationship, no obvious tension or bitterness or anything like that, and I think there should be a true reason for wanting to impress her, besides her being her mother-in-law. However, be careful not to make this relationship too cliche - everyone's seen Monster In-Law, everyone's heard stories of mother in- laws not liking their daughter in-laws - so keep it unique! 

     Overall, this is a cute story and a great start! 

Workshop: Meryl's "He Loves Me"

Story Arc:  Amy has a strange relationship with a guy at school and is always getting into an argument with her friend, Sam, over this guy.  Amy struggles with alcohol abuse and reveals that she is pregnant, and after encouragement by Sam, she goes to see a counselor and it is revealed that she was raped by this previously mentioned guy.  Amy ends up getting in a car accident and seemingly dies. 

Compliments:  The story hooked me from the beginning and kept me interested throughout, I was always guessing and wondering where the story was going!  I felt like the dialogue and internal thoughts were pretty realistic and I could hear the tone you were trying to convey.  I also enjoyed the specific details you put in, like the Tarantino’s movies and the comment about needing to recycle.  I felt like Amy’s voice and characterization was pretty strong and clear, while still keeping some mystery as to what is happening to her. 

Revisions:  I feel like this piece would be stronger if it focused on less topics – either on rape+pregnancy, rape+alcoholism, pregnancy+car accident, or alcoholism+car accident – and develop them further.  I felt like the car accident came really suddenly and was an unnecessary and dramatic ending.  I wished to see more of the relationship with her friend, Sam, through interactions other than vague arguments.  I feel like this could show the characterization of Amy even more.  I also would like to see more interaction and dialogue between Amy and the guy/her rapist – the dialogue we see doesn’t really show the tension that would be expected between the two of him.  I just feel like all the scenes could be improved through development - more about her time stalking him in front of his house.  Also, there are some ‘formatting’ issues that need to be fixed, like removing some of the unnecessary dialogue tags and removing all the direct addresses from the dialogue.  

Workshop: Angie's "A Blessing in Disguise"

Story Arc: Amanda is ill and has to go to the hospital all the time over a couple years because the doctor doesn't know what’s wrong with her.  Her friends and boyfriend are really supportive and make sure she celebrates her birthdays in the hospital.  Her boyfriend proposes and even though Amanda is hesitant, once Jacob offers to be the kidney donor she needs, she accepts his proposal.

Compliments:  I enjoyed the overall story – the proposal and kidney donation by the boyfriend is super cute and I liked the fact that Jacob’s and Amanda’s relationship was so strong.  I was almost relieved to see that the illness was to main conflict, and not something tragic with their relationship, because sometimes it’s just nice to read about a happy, supportive couple!  I felt like Amanda’s character had some good moments of voice, like when she states, “So now they are going to send me off to have more tests done.  Wonderful.” (3).  That “Wonderful.” really shows this character’s voice in that the audience can recognize the tone as soon as they read it.  Also, good job with your dialogue tags, or rather lack thereof.  The dialogue works well without the dialogue tags and remains clear as to who is speaking.

Revisions:  I felt like the overall tone and structure of this story needs to mature.  A lot of clichés and dead metaphors are present, which brings the piece down.  There are some grammatical/formatting errors that can be easily fixed – indentation for dialogue, comma errors, etc.  Also, I’m not so sure if I like the ambiguity of the fact that we never find out what’s actually wrong with her.  We know she needs a new kidney – but why?  Overall, I feel like this piece would be a lot stronger with more description and specific details.  What do these characters look like physically?  Instead of just talking about the temporary break-up, show us a scene from that time.  

Workshop: Whitney's "Bambina"

Story Arc: The main character, Sophie, and her sister, Jordyn, are trying to gather as much money as they can in order to help out their parents with financial struggles. While pretending to be homeless, Sophie meets a nice restaurant owner who gives her food and protects her when she is almost kidnapped. Ultimately, Sophie learns from her parents that they will always take care of her, and Sophie now realizes she needs to be her own person and not be so influenced by her older sister. 
Compliments: I found this story to be fresh and unpredictable - I don't feel like I've read the exact story before! The characterization of Sophie, Jordyn, and Matteo is clear (could use more physical description) and I get a good sense of who these people are and what they care about. The setting as well is well described, you don't go into extended description, but I have a good mental picture for each scene. The dialogue was natural and realistic (only minor punctuation changes need to be made). Overall, there are good details that have the story more depth and characterization - I particularly enjoyed the comment Sophie makes about how she had never been called the "B" word before, it's funny that se thinks of that considering the frightful situation she's in, while also aging up her innocence. 
Revisions: Besides minor punctuation corrections, the main revision suggestion I have is to really think about the profession of time throughout the story. Sometimes I would feel thrown, as a reader, by a sudden change in setting or action that, to me, didn't have any lead up to it. Such as when Sophie goes behind the restaurant to go through the trash - she just seemed to jump from the curbside to being back there, and I think that presents a great opportunity for description - how does she feel about having to eat from the trash? Does it smell gross? Etc. I felt another sudden section was when the creepy man tried to kidnap her off the side of the road, he just sort of appeared - does Sophie really not notice him until he's standing in front of her? What does he look like? (Besides green eyes) - and then the scene again jumps from the road to being in the restaurant - describe him chasing her, describe her panic, further describe Matteo's and the creep's interaction, make sure there is an accurate time gap between this exchange and the police arriving - this will just add so much depth to the great stuff you have now!!

Overall, this is a captivating short story that I really enjoyed reading! Great work, Whitney! 

1-900: Richard Bausch

       This short story was interesting both content wise and stylistically.  The concept of a man calling a phone sex line but only wanting to have a real conversation was actually somewhat predictable  to me, just because I've seen it before, but it was the voice of John's character that made it more interesting.  His thoughts jumped around and were sometimes almost nonsensical, and his general interaction with Marilyn/Sharon was just strange - which kept me reading.  However, towards the middle-end of the piece the dialogue just seemed drawn out, repetitive, and unnecessary because it was no longer adding to characterization and was just rambling. 

     I'm not really sure how I feel about Bausch's choice to not use any quotation marks.  Maybe the piece would have looked too "junked up" with them, considering it's all dialogue, but I don't think they would have distracted from the rhythm of the dialogue.  Also, at some points I had to re-read parts to make clear who was speaking, and I just hate when I'm pulled out of the narrative like that when I'm reading something. 

    Overall, I enjoyed the characterization, topic, and situation presented in this short story, and I think it'd be interesting to try writing a piece in all dialogue like this one!

A Short-Short: TV

                                                            Crunch.

I sat at the kitchen counter mindlessly chewing my Fruit Loops, staring at the TV across the room.   On the screen, a pretty woman holding a microphone was standing next to a balding, less-than-attractive man with a scarf wrapped around his face.  Have…listened…band…performance…?  The crunching of my cereal interrupted the woman’s question.  The balding man must have said something funny in reply for the woman tossed her long curls back with a laugh, but between the scarf covering his mouth and my chewing, I would never know what.  The top of his head was glowing red with the cold.  Shouldn’t he be wearing a hat rather than a scarf?  I kept eating my Fruit Loops.  Crunch.

                I examined the rainbow colored rings floating in the now slightly green colored milk, watching them swirl and change course with every movement of my spoon.  Knocking into each other like bumper cars.  I felt a presence step in front of me and I slowly raised my gaze, putting another spoonful into my mouth.  My mother stood with her arms crossed and a raised eyebrow.  She opened her mouth to speak and I started chewing. 

                “Do…time…today…you…can’t…late!...hear…talking…me?”  I stared at the freckle on her collarbone and crunched crunched crunched as she yelled.  She slapped the countertop with her palm to get my attention.  I stared at the freckle, pushed my hair back behind my ear, and took another bite of cereal.  Crunch.  She stood there looking at me for a few seconds before walking away, knowing it was pointless. 

                The screen had changed to a young man pointing at a map of the country and its current weather conditions.  I could see sweat stains when he raised his arms to demonstrate a wind pattern.  But this one had all his hair.  I raised another spoonful to my mouth.  Crunch. 

Television: Lydia Davis

        The success of Lydia Davis's short short story, Television, definitely lies in her ability to relate to her audience.  I was surprised to find the details mentioned - watching TV until you feel like you can sleep, becoming emotionally invested in people you don't even know, etc. - described my relationship with TV exactly, and I can only assume that many other readers share this common relationship.  What really makes this short story powerful to the reader, if anyone had a similar reaction to mine, was that I was slightly appalled at myself once I realized just how much TV impacts my emotions and how much it's involved in my everyday routine.  And I think that was probably Davis's intention - to make the reader aware of their somewhat ridiculous attachment to something that isn't even real. 

      I felt this short story was also really strong and effective stylistically.  Numbering the three sections was an interesting way to divide the piece, especially because without the numbers I wouldn't necessarily notice a distinct difference between each section.  I personally would be interested in writing a piece using that kind of stylistic effect - incorporating lists or numbered sections to mix things up with some post-modernism.  Beyond the numbering, Davis uses a lot of short, sometimes one-sentence, paragraphs that get the point across in a more direct, powerful way than if they were all strung together.  I enjoy writing in short direct sentences myself because I feel it really adds a distinct tone to a piece.  

      Ultimately, Davis successfully relates to her audience through a topic focusing on a common aspect of household life and revealing just how much TVs effect our lives, while also employing interesting and effective  stylistic elements.