Story Arc: The main character is struggling to order/receive his food at a fast food restaurant while on the phone with his difficult girlfriend. He ends up breaking up with Lisa on the phone and a fast food worker overhears and tries to give him some advice. He ends up going home to talk things out with Lisa, only to find her hooking up with his best friend, and this he drives his friend's car into the lake as revenge.
Compliments: The humor is this story is really well done! I like that you used humor in dialogue and thoughts, like with "hangry" and the "No. 'Yeah.'" concering Pepsi, and then the general situation is funny - like who really cares more about their sandwich than their girlfriend?! I also felt like the dialogue and tension was realistic.
Revisions: Overall, I wanted more background on this main character. I get a sense of his personality, but I don't know what any of his motivations are or why he is the way he is. I think seeing more of his relationship with Lisa would help with this - try showing more scenes with them together, even if it's just describing a memory or something. At times I was a little thrown off by some of the switches between present spoken dialogue, thoughts, and 'remembered dialogue'. I would have a moment of confusion figuring out who was saying what and when (the first page especially), which can be fixed by using italics or just having more seperate on between thoughts and dialogue. There were a couple time gaps that seemed a little sudden - like when he left the fast food place - and the ending in general felt a little rushed. I don't think the main character needs to drive the car into the lake, it seems a bit dramatic and out of character for him, because, I mean, he cares about his sandwich more than Lisa, so why would he care SO much as to push a car into a lake?
Overall, this is a really entertaining piece, good job!
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