Story Arc: Gerard is a reporter who is interviewing an infamous polygamist criminal, Daniel Dwyer. Over the week Gerard seems to begin to adopt some of the religious/social views of this criminal, as seen in his interactions with his wife at home. In the end, Dwyer has his men on the outside offer Gerard a job, and Gerard has seemingly been drawn in.
Compliments: This is definitely a super interesting and unexpected topic that hooked me from the first paragraph! For the most part I found the interviewing sections realistic in dialogue, and I definitely got a good handle on Dwyer's character and personality.
Revisions: I have trouble with the believability of this story as a whole. The reporter-criminal interview is definitely believable, but I can't grasp how Gerard could flip a total 180 in his own beliefs after spending just a week with Dwyer? Gerard seems to open up to Dwyer way to easily and casually, and Gerard didn't originally strike me as a naive individual. Also, the interactions between Gerard and his wife just don't seem real and are really abrupt. I think this issue could be fixed by just expanding on everything - have Gerard interviewing Dwyer for a book so he would be researching for months, show more interactions with his wife so the reader can see a slow but steady change in Gerard's personality/views/character, show reluctancy along the way so that Gerard isn't painted as just a mindless little sheep. Also, just watch out for sudden time gaps, which could be fixed by adding an extra space between paragraphs with different settings in time. There is so so much potential here!! (Check out the book, A Lesson Before Dying)
Super interesting piece, such a great start!
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