Story Arc: The main character, Connor, and his friend, Donald, are delivering pizzas in Stuart, Fla. and then decide to smoke some weed. The notice some neighbors watching and they start to drive away, but soon get pulled over by a policeman. The manage to talk their way out of getting in trouble and head to the beach where they meet up with some girls and relay what happened.
Compliments: I liked that we got a good sense of background on the characters and their best-friend relationship. You don't necessarily give us many details, but I feel like I get a strong sense of who they are and what their friendship is like. I also like the humorous aspects throughout the piece, especially the irony of an Irish pizza place in Boston, and that Patrick's only knowledge of the Italian culture is what he's seen from the Godfather. (Though this is funny, it is slightly cliche, perhaps?) I also like that there are several changes of scene, which keeps the story moving nicely.
Revisions: I liked the suspense of them being pulled over by the policeman - but the fact that they got off easy didn't add much tension to the story, and it kinda deflated all that suspense that had been built up. As a reader, it was a relief to see them get out of trouble, but this doesn't lend anything to the change we see (or actually, don't see) in Connor and Donald. They seem to just ride off to the beach like happy little clams and I can't see any sort of epiphany or anything like that. Play with them getting pulled over - what sort of dramatics could happened? I don't like the idea of a "Oh, I learned my lesson" ending, because that's not realistic - but the current ending isn't really satisfactory either.
Overall, a good start to a relatable, entertaining story!
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