Story Arc: This story is about three siblings whose parents died in a car crash and had to move in with their grandmother; the main thing keeping them united is the Dauntless River. One day the little sister is caught shoplifting, and then the brother finds their grandmother dead. The kids separate, and are only brought together again when the brother is injured in war, and are again united by the grandmother's house and the river.
Compliments: I like the concept of having a uniting plot element, like the Dauntless River, that keeps the story centered. I also like that a lot of time passes in this story. I liked the beginning being in italics because it didn't really leave room for reader confusion that it was a flashback. They start out as kids and end up adults, but I never felt jarred by or lost in the progression of time. With this, I liked that we got to really see these characters go through trials and change. I'm always struggling with making my characters change with the restraint of a short story, and you did this really well!
Revisions: While a lot happened in this story, it was mostly telling about the action rather than showing the action. I think showing more active scenes would pick up the pace of the story, which would be good considering it's a long story (as far as this class is concerned). I also felt like there could be more interaction with the grandmother - it's her house that plays such a big part in these kids' lives, yet we don't see much of her. I know you love detail, and you do it well, but don't let the action and characters take a back seat to detail! I don't think that's a huge issue here, but it's just something to keep in mind.
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