Story Arc: The speaker eats dinner at Moe's and soon gets a bad rumbling in the tummy. Once home, the speaker finds he has no toilet paper or running water, and on top of that chic-fil-a is closed and offers no relief. He then resorts to calling his mother to get the utilities turned back on, ultimately finding he had toilet paper all along.
Compliments: You have a great talent at putting clever humor on the page! This story honestly sounds like the way you speak, which I think is a really great thing! While the humor was 'gross' in topic, it was smart and sharp and original. I also felt like this speaker was really realistic (probably because your voice came through really naturally), and I felt like the situation was realistic for the reader. I liked that your 'pressing problem' wasn't as dramatic as death and rape, yet still a pretty big problem. Overall, I found this piece truly original, and that's enjoyable to a reader.
Revisions: There are a few grammatical errors with dialogue, but those are easy to fix. I felt like the dialogue between the speaker and his mother was pretty realistic, but could flow a little more naturally? I don't really have a good suggestion for that, though. Also, this piece could use more setting details - I can picture this pretty easily because I assume you're talking about Auburn, but for readers who don't know this or know Auburn will need more setting description. Beyond setting, the reader might get lost in the time placement of all the action. How long does it take him to get from Moe's to his apartment? How long does it take him to get to chic-fil-a? Etc. Overall, just be aware that the subject of this story will not appeal to a universal audience. I myself really don't enjoy gross humor- but you did it cleverly/tastefully enough that I still enjoyed this story, however that still might put off other readers. Just something to keep in mind!
Great job! You have a really strong sense of humor and voice!
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