Story Arc: Amy has a
strange relationship with a guy at school and is always getting into an argument
with her friend, Sam, over this guy. Amy
struggles with alcohol abuse and reveals that she is pregnant, and after
encouragement by Sam, she goes to see a counselor and it is revealed that she
was raped by this previously mentioned guy.
Amy ends up getting in a car accident and seemingly dies.
Compliments: The
story hooked me from the beginning and kept me interested throughout, I was
always guessing and wondering where the story was going! I felt like the dialogue and internal
thoughts were pretty realistic and I could hear the tone you were trying to
convey. I also enjoyed the specific details
you put in, like the Tarantino’s movies and the comment about needing to
recycle. I felt like Amy’s voice and
characterization was pretty strong and clear, while still keeping some mystery
as to what is happening to her.
Revisions: I feel
like this piece would be stronger if it focused on less topics – either on rape+pregnancy,
rape+alcoholism, pregnancy+car accident, or alcoholism+car accident – and develop
them further. I felt like the car
accident came really suddenly and was an unnecessary and dramatic ending. I wished to see more of the relationship with
her friend, Sam, through interactions other than vague arguments. I feel like this could show the
characterization of Amy even more. I
also would like to see more interaction and dialogue between Amy and the
guy/her rapist – the dialogue we see doesn’t really show the tension that would
be expected between the two of him. I
just feel like all the scenes could be improved through development - more
about her time stalking him in front of his house. Also, there are some ‘formatting’ issues that
need to be fixed, like removing some of the unnecessary dialogue tags and
removing all the direct addresses from the dialogue.
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