Workshop: Katie's "Moving On"

Story Arc:  Olivia experiences a horrible breakup when she is left at the altar and is completely devastated. Her friends then do whatever they can to help her, and set her up on a date with a man named Turner.  Olivia and Turner really hit it off and ultimately end up engaged.

Compliments: I thought Olivia's characterization was pretty strong, I like being inside her head and all her 'dos and don'ts' while on her first date with Turner, which made her a character I could relate to.  I also felt like Olivia's interactions with Turner were pretty realistic and natural.  The emotional pain of a breakup and how it affects someone comes across really well and clear, and doesn't feel forced or over dramatic.

Revisions: Mainly, I just want to see and know more.  There's a lot of build up to this date with Turner, but then there seemed to be a lacking of details and a lot of summary when they were actually on the date.  I want to know what makes this guy so great and unique, besides them being compatible. Are they compatible in weird, obscure ways, or in every way? I want to know why she was left at the altar - was it something she did or was the guy just a scared jerk? Also, there are moments of good description, but we never see a solid description of Olivia or Turner. Just little details about what she's wearing, or how his hair falls, would add some more imagery and depth to the piece. Ultimately, as much as the happy ending warmed my heart, it just seemed too easy for Olivia and Turner and more tension, if even just a little (like a misunderstanding), would make this piece more interesting.

A good start to something that could be great!